Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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